Somewhere in the Middle

Blessings

martiaiken — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 05:01:02 +0000

I’m easing back into writing and blogging. For now, song lyrics seem to be doing the trick for me.

I love this song. Speaks such truth. Read on. Listen to it. Buy it on iTunes. Good stuff.

Blessings
-Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It’s not our home

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Was just looking through Jamaica pictures from this past November, and noticed this. I had no idea this was taken. I remember, in this moment, praying for safety, peace, & opportunity for this little girl in Harmons.

Compliments of a team member…I think Ben? Thank you. It’s really special to be able to look back on this.

Looks Like Love

martiaiken — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 18:31:16 +0000

I heard this song recently, and it is playing over and over again in my head & my heart.

I can’t shake it. Definitely struck a chord within me. Hard.

Take another step
Don’t give up on me just yet
We could take a chance
We could find a child’s romance
At least we’d love until we can’t

I won’t run
When it looks like love
I won’t hide beneath the fear of how the past has come undone
I won’t run
When it looks like love
I can’t spend another night alone regretting what I’ve done
So I won’t run

A breeze can only be
When he overcomes the heat
Our hearts can only shake
When there’s risk that they could break
That’s the chance that I will take

So I won’t run
When it looks like love
I won’t hide beneath the fear of how the past has come undone
I won’t run
When it looks like love
I can’t spent another night alone regretting what I’ve done
So I won’t run

Raise your head
It’s time to say those words that I left unsaid
I’ve slept through the sunrise
And I turned away every time it’d get bright

-NEEDTOBREATHE

…I don’t want to sleep through another sunrise.

Quiet Saturday.

martiaiken — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 14:51:12 +0000

I am a full-time photographer now. Woah. That is weird to write. It’s real. It’s happening. What a blessing!

I need to start writing again, so in celebration of having a Saturday at HOME…yes, home, I am going to attempt a moment of reflection. A moment of silence. A moment alone.

This is not to sound as if I don’t enjoy being at a wedding on a Saturday. In fact, I thrive on capturing the day that someone becomes husband and wife. What a privilege. Huge responsibility. I love it.

But. I am tired. Since April 30th, I have shot 24 weddings, traveled to Jamaica, Philly numerous times, Connecticut, MA, Greensburg, etc…done multiple engagement-family-newborn sessions, and have traveled more than I’ve been home…(which, is a super plus to my job, but it’s not always easy & restful).

Today is a quiet Saturday. It feels foreign, but I know it’s needed.

Oh, and I also moved into a new apartment! I have the top 2 floors in a 4 story house in Beaver. The main floor is a dentist office. Makes it even cooler. :)

There is a lot of reflection to be done. Probably some tears to be shed that should’ve been shed many months ago, but just couldn’t due to my distractions of being busy. Sounds weird, but it’s true. Looking to learn more as a photographer. As a business owner. Wanting to grow deeper in my relationship with God. That’s a priority. Need to buy a new journal. Play my guitar more. Squeeze in frequent visits with my beautiful niece and sisters. Have dinner with my parents once a week.

God has continued to open doors for me to pursue photography. I am willing and ready to take on the challenge…

I just. Need a break.

…taken this past November in Harmons, Jamaica.

Toby the Dobie

martiaiken — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 18:20:58 +0000

I wanted to share some sad news with those who knew the Aiken family dog, Toby.
He was diagnosed with bone cancer last month and was such a brave fighter. This past Saturday, he passed away & was laid to rest at the Aiken home.

He was a huge part of our family and I know that many of our friends loved him so much, including Murphy & Cooper Marando who loved playing with him. Our extended family loved him as well & running downstairs to greet Toby was often their first stop when anyone would visit from out of town. His full name was October because he was brought home to live with us in October, but it was decided that he would be called “Toby” …or as our Dad often referred to him as, “Toby the Dobie.” His birthday was September 3rd and it is special that he shares a Birthday with the newest addition to our family, Laney Marando. He celebrated his 10th Birthday this year.
The first time I held him on the first day he was brought home, he lifted his little puppy leg and peed on me. I’d like to think that was an act of love.

When he was first living with us as a pup, his main living quarters was in the recording studio downstairs. I remember him crying one night and I couldn’t resist going to check on him. I held him until he fell asleep. I remember that being our first real bonding time. He always slept with a night light, even at the age of 10.

Toby was a loyal, trusting, sweet spirited dog with the most tender personality. He wasn’t your typical doberman. Tobes (another nickname) loved to lean on your legs just to feel close to you. He started doing that as a puppy. He loved chewing on big sticks, sun bathing on our brick driveway or deck, and going on adventures in the woods.

Toby was a handsome dog. His ears were as soft as the velveteen rabbit, his coat shined beautifully, his eyes were kind, & his stance was tall & proud. Most of all, he was a lover of people. He loved being with our family and being in the company of people in general…and we loved being with him.

It was neat to watch my Mom fall in love with Toby, too. She was never as excited about dogs as my Dad, but this one was different. I knew she loved him when she pet him and talked to him.

My brother and sister-in-law Ashley were very loyal to giving him bones & treats. They loved bringing their dogs over to play with Toby every once in a while. Toby loved the massages Ash would give him. Karen, Aaron, Christy & Doug always had a Christmas present for him, which usually involved a yummy treat. This past year when I was living at home, I started giving Toby a treat every time I left the house because I felt bad for leaving him.

I have good memories of watching Christy running around in circles downstairs around the couches, getting Toby to chase her. We loved getting him all wound up. It was almost a goal of ours to get him to bark because he usually didn’t. That wasn’t in his nature until he started spending more time Karen’s pups, Murphy & Cooper. We loved watching the 3 of them play together. It was so cute when he started to bark, because he almost seemed afraid to do it.

He was a best friend to my Dad. Wherever my Dad was, Toby was proudly & happily close by his side. You always knew when my Dad was pulling in the driveway from work, because Toby would start making his excited noises and could barely contain himself. He was always so excited to see our Dad or anyone in our family after we returned from being gone for any amount of time. He loved watching Steelers games with everyone and was my Dad’s number one TV hang out buddy. Anytime anyone was watching a movie or TV, Toby was always excited to join. He also loved to lay in the garage to watch my Dad work on a variety of projects. I always loved looking out the window and seeing that…it was almost as if Toby wanted to help out. He helped to support my Dad through one of the hardest seasons in his life. When he injured his hand, endured surgeries, painful physical therapy, and a change of pace, Toby was by his side through it all. He was so good at keeping us company. He knew when we were happy and he knew when we were sad.

I am so thankful that we were all able to be together with him over Thanksgiving.
This past Thursday night, I went to my parent’s house and spent some time with Toby before leaving for Philly on Friday morning. I held him in my arms, cried with him & and told him how much I loved him. I thanked him for being a loyal part of our family & a dear friend to all of us. I am thankful for that time with him, and for the last ten years of memories that I’ll carry with me. I know that for now the tears will be frequent and the house will be too quiet. We love you Toby. I would like to think that I’ll see you again someday. We miss you. Thank you for loving us, October.

Rest easy, buddy. We love you.

Sea Dreaming

martiaiken — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 16:30:37 +0000

I highly recommend picking up Shauna Niequist’s book, ‘Bittersweet.’

I’m reading the chapter called “Sea Dreaming” and it helped me to understand more of why I love to travel and dream.

She writes about seeing the fullness of life…

“Sometimes we get so tangled up in our own perceptions of ourselves, what we think we’re good at and what we’re not, that we lose perspective, seeing only our failures and bad habits. I can give you a top ten list of why it’s hard to work with me or crazy-making to live with me, and especially in difficult seasons, it’s almost impossible to remember that feeling of being great at something, or the feeling of being proud of yourself.
…that’s why travel is so important, among other reasons: to get far enough away from our everyday lives to see those lives with new clairty. When you’re literally on the other side of the world, when you’re under the silent sea, watching a bright, silend world of fish and coral, when you’re staring up at a sky so bright and dense with stars it makes you gasp, it’s in those moments that you begin to see the fullness of your life, the possibility that still prevails, that always prevails.”

She continues to write, “I stop dreaming sometimes, because I’m afraid of what it would take to change my life. I stop dreaming beause I’m afraid of the chaos that a dream might bring, afraid of what a new dream will require of me….but that night, with my husband and my brother and my dear friend, I dreamed. And it could have been the beauty of the moon on the water, or it could have been the freshness of the sea air, but when I returned home, I felt new, and that the world was bright and new, and I heard God’s voice whispering to me everywhere I went. It could have been anything, but I think it was the dreaming.”

That folks, is why I love to travel. I’m a dreamer, and right now, I’m starting to get motivated to do something big.

Getting Acquainted (again).

martiaiken — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 02:31:28 +0000

For a while now, I have been in a pretty dry and empty season with my Faith. I have been indecisive as to where I want to go to church, and the church I really love is a far driving distance (charter oak). All in all, I just haven’t been in a consistent place.

Apathy tends to sneak in and I get busy. Excuses, excuses…

I have asked myself if I am taking my relationship with God seriously.

So. Over the past two weeks, I have started to pray for God to help me to get to know Him better…through conversations, experiences, reading, and quiet time.

Two weeks ago, I bought a plane ticket to Colorado to visit some really good friends. When I need to re-focus, I tend to travel, and Colorado is a favorite place of mine to go. Anyway, in my travels, I began to re-visit ‘Bittersweet’ by Shauna Niequist.(Thank you, Elizabeth Wright, for such a perfect book recommendation).

She writes something that caused tears to fall from my eyes on the airplane because her words were so true to my current reality. She writes, “I began to live a much smaller story, and that story was only about me. I wanted an answer, a timeline, and a map. I didn’t want to have to trust God or anything I couldn’t see. I didn’t want to wait or follow. I wanted my old life back, and even while I read the mystics and the prophets, even while I prayed fervently, even while I sat in church and begged for God to direct my life, those things didn’t have a chance to transform me, because under those actions and intentions was a rocky layer of faithlessness, fear, and selfishness.”

Those 3 bolded words described my prayers to a T. As soon as I read those words, I knew I needed to start making changes with how I was praying.

Today, I was at Charter Oak Church amidst good company, and the message was on how we can have more faith. Perfect timing? Yes.

The pastor encouraged us to…

Get to know God. The best way to increase faith is by getting to know God better.

Fall in love with God.

Trust God.

…He WILL catch you. Every time.

So, that’s what I’m currently working on. Getting re-acquainted with God, and trying to pull out of this dry season where I have become entirely too comfortable. It’s time for a change.

You Make Me New

martiaiken — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 19:14:43 +0000

“What is this sun that conquers mountains
Singing over what has been asleep?
What is it that softens all my doubting?
It’s you

Morning brings a hunger for new eyes
That have been covered by the hurt of yesterday
Who could create in me the vision of a little child?
It’s you

You take an ordinary day
And turn it into flowers like the month of May
Yes you do
You see all my pain
You cry over it for hours till I’m new again
Yes you do

When I have been a victim of familiarity
When my heart has fallen into sleep
Healing is the voice that awakens me
And it is you

You take an ordinary day
And turn it into flowers like the month of May
Yes you do
You see all my pain
You cry over it for hours till I’m new again
Yes you do

You, you make me new…”

-Bethany Dillon

Loving my time in Colorado.

Dear Ex’speed’ia,

martiaiken — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 17:17:29 +0000

Thank you for helping me book a flight to Colorado so quickly today. I was very frustrated with myself for accidentally booking a flight for the wrong date last week. I know this trip is last minute, so out of a fluster, I must have hit ‘fly out Monday’ instead of ‘fly out Sunday.’ I wouldn’t have arrived into Denver until Tuesday morning because the Monday flight took me to Kansas City over night (although I would have loved to see my friend Courtney in KC) if it would have been the previous night.

Anyway, your delivery of a new and changed ticket was very speedy and thorough, and even though I only have 2 hours to get to the airport and haven’t packed yet and have no clean clothes, I am appreciative of this one week adventure I am about to embark on.

Thank you, again, Expedia, for being so quick to figure out my dilemma…and friendly, too.

I am so excited to see my friends. I get to see good Hearlight friends Kari and Patty (and eat french toast at Bon Ton’s), and Emily, one of my best friends from college.

Sincerely…a very excited passenger,

Martha L. Aiken

Friday.

martiaiken — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 02:50:11 +0000

About 4 weeks ago, I made the tough decision to resign from my position at Elmcroft as the Healthy Lifestyles Director to pursue my growing passion…photography.

It was not an easy decision to make, simply because it meant giving up the chance to see my residents everyday that I now consider Grandparents as well as several staff members who I have grown to love and respect so much. This will not be easy.

So, this Friday is my last day. I have been fighting tears, mainly because some of my residents have been crying on a daily basis ever since I shared the news of my resignation, and I don’t want to fall apart in front of them.

Today, I held onto those tears until I went to sit with a woman who has become dear to my heart. She was sleeping when I went in…one arm clinging to a doll that one of our amazing Hospice staff members must have given her today, the other hand gently resting on her cheek. She is not doing well. Ever since she came to Elmcroft several months ago, I have made an effort to sit and talk with her before I go home every day. Her smile and conversation was always enough to make any bad day just fine.
I love and respect her, just as I would my own Grandma.
Today, I just sat and wept beside her bed and held her hand.

I have a lot to process.

This is definitely the right move for me, considering I am booked nearly every weekend with weddings & portrait sessions from April – October. It would have been too much to stay.

Please pray for me as I make yet another change. Another transition. More uncertainty. A continual part of life, so I’d better get used to it.

Just wanted to share that news. Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of this decision to follow the open doors that are leading me to photography…but I am really going to miss my people.
(pictured below is another woman at Elmcroft who I simply adore…she’ll dance circles around anyone!)

What’s the point?

martiaiken — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 16:44:31 +0000

A photographer and an activities director.Sometimes my worlds collide.

For those of you who don’t know, I am the full-time Healthy Lifestyles (Activities) Director for an Assisted Living Community and a photographer. The other day at work, I was spending some time in HV (the alzheimers section of our building) with a woman who has Alzheimers.

Her wrinkled and beautiful face doesn’t show much emotion unless I ask her to see a smile. I was sitting in her room with her and began looking at her photos. I started thinking about how sometimes, as a photographer, I have these moments of thinking about the actual photograph in hand, knowing that someday they’ll burn up. To some people they are just items that gather dust in a box. So, what’s the point?

While sitting with this woman, I picked up an old framed picture of her and her husband. I brought it over to her and took a chance asking…”do you know who these people are?”

Her face lit up immediately, and with a BIG smile, she pointed to her husband and told me his name.This was a big deal, considering many words don’t come out of her mouth very often.

That was it for me. With tears in my eyes, I was reminded that being a photographer means having a responsibility to tell a story, and capture moments that someday might bring emotion, expression, and a special memory back to someone who has, in a way, lost it. If I can even have a small part as a photographer by helping someone smile like this woman did, then I count myself incredibly blessed.